Premarital Counselling Toronto: Preparing for a Marriage That Lasts
- Brian Tohana
- Jul 4, 2025
- 4 min read
Updated: Sep 3, 2025
Why Premarital Counselling Matters
If you’re searching for premarital counselling in Toronto, chances are you’re wondering: Do we really need this? What’s covered? Is it worth it before the wedding?
Getting engaged is exciting. But between wedding planning and family expectations, many couples skip the deeper preparation: learning the skills that actually make a marriage thrive long-term.
That’s where premarital counselling comes in. It’s not about predicting doom or digging up flaws, it’s about building the foundation of empathy, communication, and healthy partnership that helps you thrive long after the honeymoon.
Common Questions Couples Ask Before Marriage
Do we really need premarital counselling?
Many couples think love is enough. But love doesn’t automatically teach you how to resolve conflict, handle money, or bridge differences. Premarital counselling helps you prepare for the realities of partnership, not just the romance.
What does premarital counselling cover?
Typically:
Communication and conflict repair
Money and financial planning
Family dynamics and cultural expectations
Sex, intimacy, and mismatched desire
Roles, values, and shared vision
Parenting and future goals
Is premarital counselling only for couples in trouble?
Not at all. In fact, the strongest couples are proactive. They want tools before small issues turn into big ones. Think of it as training, not treatment.
The Benefits of Premarital Counselling
Clarity and Confidence: You both know what you’re committing to and what you expect of each other.
Conflict Skills: You learn how to fight less destructively, repair quickly, and protect intimacy.
Deeper Intimacy: When tough topics aren’t avoided, couples feel safer, closer, and more connected.
Future Planning: You’re not blindsided by money, family, or parenting conflicts later.
Long-Term Resilience: Couples who do premarital work report higher satisfaction and lower divorce risk.
Topics We Explore Together
Communication & Repair: Learning to de-escalate defensiveness and truly listen.
Money & Power: Talking openly about spending, saving, debt, and financial roles.
Family & Culture: How in-laws, traditions, and backgrounds shape your marriage.
Sex & Intimacy: Breaking out of performance or mismatched desire patterns early.
Shared Vision: Setting long-term goals that make you feel like teammates, not rivals.
Premarital Counselling Toronto: How It Works
At Caring for Couples Counselling Center, I guide couples through a structured process that’s both practical and experiential:
6-session package: Core skills + guided conversations around the big 5 topics (money, family, intimacy, conflict, vision).
Intensives: 2 to 3 hour sessions for couples who want breakthroughs quickly.
Online or in-person: Flexible options for Toronto couples.
You don’t just learn skills, you experience what real empathy, repair, resolution and intimacy feel like in session, so you can take it with you for life.
Marriage as a Rite of Passage
A man doesn’t need a woman.
A woman doesn’t need a man.
But a wife needs a husband, and a husband needs a wife.
(This is a heteronormative example, but it applies to all couples — two wives, two husbands, any committed partnership.)
Marriage is not just a sacred commitment to each other. It’s a transformation of who you are to each other.
A man and a woman are not one. But a husband and a wife are one: two puzzle pieces that lock together, inseparable.
Marriage is a rite of passage meant to shift your consciousness from independence to interdependence.
Here’s the metaphor I use with couples:
Before marriage, you’re like two people in separate kayaks.
Marriage (or deep partnership) moves you into the same canoe.
Big difference.
In the canoe, every move you make impacts the other. You’re no longer independent paddlers — you’re a system. That’s why premarital work is less about “communication tips” and more about learning how to function as one team in the same boat so you don’t end up feeling hurt, powerless and resentful.
Why Couples Struggle Without Preparation
Once you’re in the canoe, you can’t paddle wherever you want, whenever you want. Every action has an effect. Your partner gives you live feedback about how your movements impact them — often in the form of criticism.
Even when your intentions are good, you can hurt each other by accident. This is the power struggle:
You rock the boat.
Your partner tells you.
You get defensive.
They feel unheard and powerless.
Helplessness and powerlessness are at the root of reactivity. As Martin Luther King said: “A riot is the language of the unheard.”
Premarital counselling helps you learn empathy instead of defensiveness:
Empathy doesn’t mean you’re wrong.
Empathy doesn’t mean they’re right.
Empathy means: “I see how my actions impact you, and I care about that.”
That’s how couples protect intimacy instead of eroding it.
FAQs About Premarital Counselling in Toronto
How many sessions do couples need before marriage?
Most do 6–12 sessions. Some couples choose intensives to go deeper, faster.
Is premarital counselling covered by OHIP or insurance?
OHIP doesn’t cover it. Some extended benefits cover registered therapists. As a coach and psychotherapist finishing training in 2026, my services aren’t typically covered, but many couples use HSA/WSA benefits or simply invest directly in their marriage.
What if we’re not religious?
No problem. My approach is not faith-based — it’s relational, developmental, solution-oriented, non-pathologizing, emotionally-focused, collaborative and experiential.
What if one of us doesn’t want to come?
That’s common. Often the reluctant partner feels safer once they realize it’s not about blame, but learning skills together.
What are the benefits of premarital counselling?
Clarity, confidence, conflict repair, deeper intimacy, future planning, and long-term resilience. In short: it prevents problems before they start.
The Best Wedding Gift You Can Give Yourselves
Premarital counselling isn’t about fixing problems. It’s about preventing them. It’s about protecting your connection, learning to repair conflict quickly, and setting yourselves up for decades of intimacy and resilience.
If you’re ready to not just plan a wedding, but prepare for a marriage that lasts, let’s talk.
